I will be home for Christmas. A year in which two close family members died, and the news of a distant cousin's death came on Thursday.
Since my mother's death Christmas has become a difficult time each year. She passed on December 23rd, forever changing how I celebrate.
This photo drew me in as soon as I saw it because it reminded me of the table setting at my maternal grandparent's home in Pennsylvania, including the bird cages. I look at it and I'm a little girl again, excited to be sitting at the table with everyone.
Click on image to see it larger.
But this table is someone else's memory. The note on the bottom of the photo says a lot:
Christmas 1945 • Bill home from warThere's a lot to think about with this shot, no matter how simple it appears. Was this Bill's family home? Or was it the home he shared with his wife? Did Bill return from the war physically and mentally unscathed?
There are a lot of dinner tables that will be celebrating returned loved ones on Thursday. People broken by war sitting amongst family who now feel like strangers. Awkward conversations with close friends whose lives moved in different directions. Memories of the horrors they've seen and unable or unwilling to share those memories with those who stayed home. Momentary vacant stares, searching for a memory, good or bad, that somehow makes sense of why they are seated at the table.
So here's to the families who must struggle to find Christmas each year because of the cards they were dealt in life. Some of us have to search a little harder to find meaning in the holidays, sometimes time is all we have to work with. And sometimes time is enough.
This is my holiday contribution to Sepia Saturday.
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Sorry about your losses. My own mom passed five years ago today, too close to Christmas!
ReplyDeleteIt does change things, doesn't it? And thank you, it was 14 years ago, so time, I guess, has done as much healing as it will ever do.
DeleteI understand -- my mother died between Christmas and New Year's; it changed everything for me.
ReplyDeleteMakes it hard to get into the spirit of the season.
DeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I understand the loss and how it changes us.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have joyous and painful memories during the holidays, but we accept them and do the best we can.
DeleteI hear you Tattered and Lost...ghosts of Christmas past I call it. Love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteThat is it exactly! Haunted by so many memories. And we have to remember we aren't alone with such thoughts.
DeleteThis was a perfect choice for the holidays and a thoughtful post. The photo's brief note adds dimensions to a family story that we can only imagine and yet all of us know well those sentiments and memories. I think the special meaning of holidays is in our personal and collective focus on remembrance. That's the real gift of the season.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wish you all good cheer in the new year.
As a child it is very much of the moment, but you are right that the holidays really become a time of remembrance.
DeleteI hadn't really thought of serviceman returning to their first family Christmas. Thanks for the reminder about those poignant occasions.
ReplyDeleteWishing everyone could be with loved ones, but know so many won't be.
DeleteI hope this Christmas is a time of joyful remembrances.
ReplyDeleteWe have to find the moments when we can and cherish them. I realize I know have more memories than years left.
Delete1945 would have been my first Christmas. I was only a few weeks old and my father was still in the Army.
ReplyDeleteI think my father was alway home for Christmas, but I'm not positive. He spent a lot of time overseas and later traveling to make films, but I think he was always there for Christmas.
DeleteYou are so right. Christmas does make us reflect on the year and on Christmases past, of people no longer with us. The table of food and the brief note are a subtle expression of joy and celebration, an answered prayer.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas to you!
The same to you. Much joy, no matter where you find it.
DeleteLong years ago I secretly recorded our family opening our Christmas presents one Christmas morning, thus 29 years after his passing, I can still hear my father's voice calling out the names of each of us as he played Santa, passing out our gifts when I listen to the tape. So glad I did that!
ReplyDeleteEnvious you have this. You can close your eyes and step back in time.
DeleteI’ve been feeling pretty blue in the run-up to Christmas. It's nice to look at old family photos but also sad when most of the people in them have gone. I suppose it’s a natural part of growing older, but still very poignant, especially at this time of the year. Thank you for your thoughtful and moving post, Barbara.
ReplyDeleteI understand completely. It's hard to be cheerful when memories become overwhelming.
DeleteWhat a thought-provoking post, and a rare image amongst our offerings for Sepia Saturday this week, which are mostly happy families around the table; the empty chairs say so much more.
ReplyDeletePossibly that that bird is getting cold and the folks need to sit down. I'm betting the photographer heard a lot of "Hurry up!"
DeleteI remember my first Holidays after my mom passing. I started decorating but felt nauseaus by it all and removed most of it, barely leaving a trace. I don't know if it gets any easier with time, but it sure feels diffent.
ReplyDeleteThis said,
I wish you a happy new year,
finding solace in whatever comes along.
:)
Yes, it never feels the same. It is harder to find any magic, but I occasionally do. It's usually just a fleeting moment, but I hold onto the moment for as long as I can.
DeleteA very thoughtful post. I would probably miss my mother, were it not for the joy of having our little granddaughter to spend her first Christmas with us, and I keep thinking how much Mum would have enjoyed seeing her too.
ReplyDeleteYes, like a lot of things, fresh eyes, especially those of a child, can make a huge difference.
Delete